Sunday Sideshow #1

Ok, this is one from the past, but let's face it, stories like these were the main impetus for starting this blog.  Everytime I'd relate a story like this someone would say, "Are you writing these down?" or "Please tell me your writing these down."  Something slightly similar to this happens just about every week.  So stay tuned.

There are certain weeks when I find myself longing for a church where I can just drop my kids off at the nursery when I arrive and pick them up when I'm ready to go home! And here is an example of why.

I ready the two kiddos and myself for church, and even though it appears like all is going smoothly and we'll definitely make it on time, it never fails, something seems to happen or time just goes into a warp somehow and I end up screeching into the parking lot two minutes before Sunday school starts. It takes three times that long just to get them in the door, since it involves unhooking one from her car seat and waiting for her to dawdle in while I maneuver the second in his infant carrier and wrestle with the giant diaper bag that holds spare outfits for both children (an obvious necessity with a newborn and a potty-training toddler), a cup and bib and various paraphernalia for the meal that always follows the service, and the obnoxiously over-sized packet of Sunday school materials which I will be presenting to my own child and no classmates.

During our so-called Sunday school class, I nurse the baby and then leave him laying on the floor in the classroom while I run the pupil to the potty. Yeah, good thing she has no other classmates and I guess it's a relief that the lessons for two year olds are about 5 minutes long - we can still fit it all in!

Then it's time for church, and since it's a special missions emphasis Sunday, I have some responsibilities within the service besides the usual "crowd" control. Hmm...not necessarily the best idea on the pastor and I's part. We'll be smarter next time. We don't usually sit on the front row because, well for multiple reasons, but the main one I tell others is because Lilyanna feels a little too much freedom. She does better if she is "contained" by a pew in front and a pew in back. So church is starting and William tells me that he is going to sit up front since he'll have to be up and down a lot. Fair and reasonable enough, except I already have Lilyanna situated in the third row and I've just realized Liam desperately needs a diaper change. My perplexed and pleading eyes say it all and the pastor calmly sits down in the third row to keep tabs on one child while I excuse myself for diaper duty with the other. Thankfully someone else is in charge of welcome, announcements and the initial songs.

I return and during those initial songs we discuss our strategy for the next part of the service, which will involve me. We think we have it worked out and I head over to the other side of the church where I will sit on the front row and read narration to a PowerPoint presentation. The baby, who is awake, and therefore not in his carrier, comes with me. At this point, another man is supposed to get up to read scripture, but was either oblivious to his cue or awaiting an introduction, so William has to hop up and fill in the gap. Yep, that leaves Lilyanna unattended in the pew. Not a big deal, except she starts looking around and sees me at the back on the other side and wonders why she's not with me. By the time William gets back to her, the easiest way to avoid a major disturbance is to have her oh-so-happily trot on over to where I am. So, I hand the baby over to Gwen at the sound booth and Lily and I proceed to the front to read. So far so good -- until she gets bored in the middle of the presentation. Since I'm sitting, her confused questioning of "Mommy? Mommy?" is right at mic level. So the pastor/daddy comes and intercepts her. So much for not creating a major disturbance, huh?

As I head back to my seat, the sound technician quickly hands Liam back to me because she has to go play the piano for the next song! By the time we're all situated again, all I can do is laugh. Definitely a sideshow that originated in the third row! As Lily stands on the pew "playing the piano" on the back of it, and I wonder if my husband has been able to focus at all on conducting the service while tending to family affairs, I wish for the good ol' days of a church nursery!

The two nursery-deprived kids in April 09, approximately the time frame this story took place. (Sorry, Liam, about the pink boppy.)